Impeachment Trial Rules Challenge Antsy Senators

Last week’s Senate trial levied some harsh middle-school detention rules on a group of jurors who probably never got so much as a demerit—the U.S.’ 100 senators.

For the duration of the trial, senators aren’t allowed food, cellphones, tablets, or any drinks other than milk or water. Plus, they can’t ask staff to tag in for them when they get tired or hungry or hangry.

• They also aren’t allowed to speak...leading some giggling senators to pass notes.

All those rules made for some twitchy public servants. Per Politico, presidential hopeful Sen. Bernie Sanders was seen “rummaging through old papers, emptying the contents of his jacket pocket into a small trash can under his desk, and, at one point, intently studying the label on the back of a lozenge tin.”

Some tried to make things easier. Sen. Richard Burr (R-NC) handed out fidget spinners to his colleagues on Thursday, while Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA) distributed treats from his post at the chamber’s coveted candy desk.

And Majority Leader Mitch McConnell kindly helped complete my detention metaphor by playing the strict proctor. He berated his charges when they didn’t take their seats quickly enough.