Brew Classifieds: Week of Aug. 21

The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

TIKTOK-APPROVED CASHIER: A Burger King employee who worked at the chain for 20 years and never once called in sick received a gift bag from the company with a mug and some assorted candy. The internet found out and, in addition to roasting BK on TikTok, crowdfunded $400,000 for the employee to visit his grandchildren.

ISO SIGN LAWYER: Pornhub’s parent company is going after a fast-casual German kebab restaurant in NYC called Döner Haus because its logo looks similar to the adult site’s. Only one meat purveyor will emerge victorious.

Personal

DRY DESERT WANTED: Tropical Storm Hilary flooded the grounds where Burning Man takes place. Luckily, ahead of the festival (which starts today), the event staff were able to dry everything out for all those people with ludicrous hats they couldn’t wear anywhere else.

SEEKING PLACE TO REST FOREARMS: A Chinese man reportedly pursuing political asylum in South Korea made the 200-mile journey across the Yellow Sea from China to the port city of Incheon via personal water scooter.

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BREAKFAST JUICE: Eggo partnered with a Tennessee distillery to make Eggo Brunch in a Jar, a 20% ABV sippin’ cream that tastes like waffles, bacon, and maple syrup.

OVERHYPED PILLS: Turns out over-the-counter fish oil supplements aren’t actually doing as much for your heart as the claims on the bottle say they are. Just like the pills themselves, this news is incredibly hard to swallow.